Humble Pie…

It’s a funny thing for me to watch what has happened with this blog over the past year.

In all honesty, it has been a learning experience at every step of the process. I’ve been a blogger for years but, not like I am now. This little corner of the web has taken on a whole new meaning for me after all the comments, follows, and interwebs support. I’ve actually come to some hefty realizations after my post Back On The Wagon. Some of it has been bittersweet but mostly it has been positive, uplifting, and even eye-opening.

Let me just say openly that my posts on weightloss, wellness, and health-related topics will be henceforth filed under the category State Of The Fluff. These posts are not meant to be self-defeating, demeaning, or a way to excuse myself from being accountable. In fact, my goal with writing them is exactly the opposite. I write them for myself to be reminded of a very real situation in my life and to air my own feelings through the process of becoming well.

My entire life has been spent overcoming people telling me that I’m not good enough. I’m not skinny enough, I don’t eat enough, I eat too much, I’m too hard on myself, I’m not hard enough on myself, I’ll never amount to anything, and any number of damaging statements. I’ve endured dirty looks, statements behind my back about my weight, and even being ostracized by any number of public places. I’ve been turned down for jobs, overlooked for roles in performance arts, and even told that I couldn’t participate in activities because of my size. I’ve been laughed at, humiliated, degraded, and made to feel worthless by countless numbers of people. And yes, I’ve dealt with depression because of that.

On the flip side of that coin there is something very different. I have also been supported by a wonderful network of friends, family, and now readers. In fact, the outpouring of support has left me seriously considering why and where it is all coming from. After all, its not like I have had that much traffic here. I’m not SEO savvy, I don’t have some fancy-schmancy layout, and I don’t advertise per se. I really just put up the blog and then suddenly people showed up. But then, a moment of clarity hit me as I was discussing this lack of understanding where the attention is coming from with a dear friend of mine on Facebook Messaging (which we do often), he said something that sort of hit home.

• Maybe you’re motivation. I know *I* get a lot of motivation from you but that’s just me.

I was humbled by this. I didn’t think of myself as motivating. In fact, I came to think of myself as looking for motivation from the world around me. Desperately seeking somewhere to fit (sometimes quite literally), a place to call home, to feel like I belonged, and people who celebrated with me when I made those decisions and took the steps I’m taking now.

One day, as I was browsing author blogs for writing motivation, I came upon Dianne Sylvan’s blog over at Crazy Beautiful. Now, I’ve never met her personally but, she does write some excellent vampire fiction with her Shadow World series. But her posts on her own life have been inspiring for me. From her site I learned about movements like The Adipositivity Project (caution link is not always safe for work and likely contains artistic nudity on any given day) which is a photographer’s effort to not only have “fat” people accept themselves but to also tell the world that fat isn’t the end of the world, or the end of a person’s life. You can be fat and fabulous. Somehow knowing this motivated me to not necessarily lose the weight but to celebrate my life and start loving the skin I’m in. Granted, I don’t know that I’d be posing for the project anytime soon. (Good thing the photographer is in New York otherwise I might have to put my money where my mouth is on that one. )

The bottom line is that I came to realize that there are people out there who, like me, are looking for that motivation. They need that spark of inspiration to help them get serious about themselves and the body they have. Somewhere, somehow, someone needs to read my personal story. And I’m humbled if it can do the same for them as Dianne Sylvan’s page did for me.

I’ve redesigned things here. The blog now has a new name BIG FICTION. I’ve updated the key areas at the top of the page to allow, what I hope is, easier access to information. And, if anyone so chooses, there are links to my social media pages for you to connect directly with me. Those can be found under the Writer Resume & Media Kit, or you can simply click here. Don’t hesitate to connect, to share your story with me, to ask questions, and interact. I’ll do my best to reply to your comments. If I get questions, I’ll do a weekly or monthly post with my answers to them right here on the blog.

Finally, to the friend who I quoted before (you know who you are): Thank you for being a friend. I know we’re going to share some awesome moments in the months and years ahead. I am truly blessed to have such a caring and supportive friend in my life. I promise to try my best to not take you for granted.

To everyone else reading. Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life. Dream big, go big, and make the most of it.